The Tidal Patterns of Prayer

The rolling rhythm
of the boundless sea
washes over
small, gray stones
tossed upon the sandy beach.

Wave after successive wave
draws the surrendered stones
back and forth, back and forth,
until they lift their voices
in pebbled harmony.

Then the music of the stones
settles
into momentary
silence,

rests
in the cradle of the sea's cadence,
enraptured
in the pause before the great water
turns, moves them outward,
drawing them beyond
the comforting beach,
toward the vague darkness
of the deep sea's mystery.

In such a way, the Beloved
gathers the gray pebbles of my prayer,
stirs the endless rhythm of grace,
until my heart, too, circles and
tumbles with the cadence of love.

Like gray stones on the beach
my soul dances
in the movement, rests in the silence,
then takes the emptying journey
into darkness,

there to remain in trust,
waiting to be drawn
toward the welcoming shores
of consolation.

-- Joyce Rupp

What gets me thru these days...

Lord, I offer you all of me, all that I am and all that I am not. I offer you every good decision and every regrettable mistake, every great accomplishment and every success and every miserable failure. I offer you all joy and all heartache, every kindness and every bitterness to be forgotten, every twinkle in my eye and every tear flowing down my cheek, every great love and each lost or irrecoverable act of charity. I offer you every quiet reflective moment and all of the unneeded chaos around me, all things holy and good in me and all things in need of greater purification. I give you every joyful memory and every bitter foul pain, each future moment and every missed opportunity to love, every kind act and each regrettable, harsh word, all meekness and humility within me and every misplaced prideful thought, every virtue and every weak vice, every laugh and all misery mixed with weeping. I give you every healthy breath and every weakness of mind and body, every attempt at chastity and every unworthy lustful thought, every restful repose and every anxious sleepless night. O Lord, you can have all of me, the beauty that you've deposited deep within me and the emptiness of my sinful faults.
I love you and am yours completely.

A sign in the yard

I give up.
I surrender.
I admit defeat.
I relinquish this independence.
I can’t do it anymore.
I am a quitter.

I cannot be a single homeowner anymore. There are no prospects of a partner to share the load, I have no strapping boys to help, I have no brothers around the corner and I am the worst at asking friends for help. It's expensive, time consuming, exhausting and a never ending chore - frankly I am awful at it.

I grew up in a home where the boys did the yard work, maintained the cars and fetched the wood. Girls cleaned, ironed, baked, cooked, did laundry and basically cleaned up after the boys. I knew nothing other then the traditional gender roles.

Maybe that is why I would prefer to read recipies and cook as opposed to landscape.

I've done ok for the past 7 years on my own. It's time to move on.

So..I make a plan. Within the next 12-18 months, a turn upward of the housing market and that minor detail of a getting a job I'll put a sign in the yard.

FOR SALE

After all it is just a house. A home is any space we share with the ones we love.
A house is made of bricks and stones but only love can make a home.

I’ll find a new house (I mean condo) to call home.

Life as an unemployed single mom.

My first reaction to my current situation is, what a blessing. What a real blessing to be able to spend the past 2 months (going on 3!) with my daughters as my primary focus. Spending much of July with my family in Pennsylvania. Taking my girls to Presque Isle enjoying the lake and beautiful sunsets. Playing at water parks and amusement parks with cousins we don’t see often enough. Sleeping in, riding bikes, swimming and no summer camp!

I have not had so much time with my girls since they were preschoolers. Since the time I was living the very best days of my life as a mom. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I forgot, -no I lost, for a bit, the one thing that is most important to me. How much I love being a mom. I am good at it. It is the one area of my life I never question my abilities. I am grateful to have my 2 beautiful, funny, bright and loving daughters bestowed into my care.
I love cooking for them. Homemade pizza, baking brownies and cookies, packing lunches for them. Family meals with a blessing, and as every mom should do make them sit at the table until they eat their peas!
Having the time to ask at the end of their school day if they made someone else’s life better and if their life was better because of it. Then I ask about homework

And then there is the time I have had for me. Unprecedented time for my family and myself. Having time to spend with my parents & siblings is always the best. Calling on old friends and having old friends come’a calling.

I have been on 2 women’s spiritual retreats this summer. Life and soul changing events. In October I get to be a presenter to singles at a spiritual co-ed retreat. All the while making new friends to share these experiences.

I have been renewed and have never in my life experienced so much love and peace in my heart. Waking each day to happiness and the joy for what the Lord will shine on me.

This IS what life is supposed to be like.

I know, without doubt, that the Holy Spirit works in me and leads me to all those that make my life good.
The Holy Spirit gives me all that I need in my life to get me to heaven.
The Holy Spirit knows my hearts desire and will reveal all to me in due time.

This is my life.
All as I pray devotions to St. Theresa ‘Little Flower” of the Child Jesus. Prayers of gratitude, blessings, gifts and humility. Prayers for special intentions for all those that I truly love unconditionally, myself included.

"For this reason, I remind you to stir into the flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit of God has given us is no cowardly Spirit, but rather One That makes us strong, loving, and wise" (2Timothy 1:6-7)

CRHP

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

PIETY - STUDY - ACTION

You realize you do.

Just when you think you have nothing...