polz groove

The Tidal Patterns of Prayer

2008-10-30T19:15:00.004-04:00

The rolling rhythm
of the boundless sea
washes over
small, gray stones
tossed upon the sandy beach.

Wave after successive wave
draws the surrendered stones
back and forth, back and forth,
until they lift their voices
in pebbled harmony.

Then the music of the stones
settles
into momentary
silence,

rests
in the cradle of the sea's cadence,
enraptured
in the pause before the great water
turns, moves them outward,
drawing them beyond
the comforting beach,
toward the vague darkness
of the deep sea's mystery.

In such a way, the Beloved
gathers the gray pebbles of my prayer,
stirs the endless rhythm of grace,
until my heart, too, circles and
tumbles with the cadence of love.

Like gray stones on the beach
my soul dances
in the movement, rests in the silence,
then takes the emptying journey
into darkness,

there to remain in trust,
waiting to be drawn
toward the welcoming shores
of consolation.

-- Joyce Rupp

What gets me thru these days...

2008-10-16T21:39:00.002-04:00

Lord, I offer you all of me, all that I am and all that I am not. I offer you every good decision and every regrettable mistake, every great accomplishment and every success and every miserable failure. I offer you all joy and all heartache, every kindness and every bitterness to be forgotten, every twinkle in my eye and every tear flowing down my cheek, every great love and each lost or irrecoverable act of charity. I offer you every quiet reflective moment and all of the unneeded chaos around me, all things holy and good in me and all things in need of greater purification. I give you every joyful memory and every bitter foul pain, each future moment and every missed opportunity to love, every kind act and each regrettable, harsh word, all meekness and humility within me and every misplaced prideful thought, every virtue and every weak vice, every laugh and all misery mixed with weeping. I give you every healthy breath and every weakness of mind and body, every attempt at chastity and every unworthy lustful thought, every restful repose and every anxious sleepless night. O Lord, you can have all of me, the beauty that you've deposited deep within me and the emptiness of my sinful faults.
I love you and am yours completely.

A sign in the yard

2008-09-16T15:47:00.005-04:00

I give up.
I surrender.
I admit defeat.
I relinquish this independence.
I can’t do it anymore.
I am a quitter.

I cannot be a single homeowner anymore. There are no prospects of a partner to share the load, I have no strapping boys to help, I have no brothers around the corner and I am the worst at asking friends for help. It's expensive, time consuming, exhausting and a never ending chore - frankly I am awful at it.

I grew up in a home where the boys did the yard work, maintained the cars and fetched the wood. Girls cleaned, ironed, baked, cooked, did laundry and basically cleaned up after the boys. I knew nothing other then the traditional gender roles.

Maybe that is why I would prefer to read recipies and cook as opposed to landscape.

I've done ok for the past 7 years on my own. It's time to move on.

So..I make a plan. Within the next 12-18 months, a turn upward of the housing market and that minor detail of a getting a job I'll put a sign in the yard.

FOR SALE

After all it is just a house. A home is any space we share with the ones we love.
A house is made of bricks and stones but only love can make a home.

I’ll find a new house (I mean condo) to call home.

Life as an unemployed single mom.

2008-09-05T12:23:00.003-04:00

My first reaction to my current situation is, what a blessing. What a real blessing to be able to spend the past 2 months (going on 3!) with my daughters as my primary focus. Spending much of July with my family in Pennsylvania. Taking my girls to Presque Isle enjoying the lake and beautiful sunsets. Playing at water parks and amusement parks with cousins we don’t see often enough. Sleeping in, riding bikes, swimming and no summer camp!

I have not had so much time with my girls since they were preschoolers. Since the time I was living the very best days of my life as a mom. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I forgot, -no I lost, for a bit, the one thing that is most important to me. How much I love being a mom. I am good at it. It is the one area of my life I never question my abilities. I am grateful to have my 2 beautiful, funny, bright and loving daughters bestowed into my care.
I love cooking for them. Homemade pizza, baking brownies and cookies, packing lunches for them. Family meals with a blessing, and as every mom should do make them sit at the table until they eat their peas!
Having the time to ask at the end of their school day if they made someone else’s life better and if their life was better because of it. Then I ask about homework

And then there is the time I have had for me. Unprecedented time for my family and myself. Having time to spend with my parents & siblings is always the best. Calling on old friends and having old friends come’a calling.

I have been on 2 women’s spiritual retreats this summer. Life and soul changing events. In October I get to be a presenter to singles at a spiritual co-ed retreat. All the while making new friends to share these experiences.

I have been renewed and have never in my life experienced so much love and peace in my heart. Waking each day to happiness and the joy for what the Lord will shine on me.

This IS what life is supposed to be like.

I know, without doubt, that the Holy Spirit works in me and leads me to all those that make my life good.
The Holy Spirit gives me all that I need in my life to get me to heaven.
The Holy Spirit knows my hearts desire and will reveal all to me in due time.

This is my life.
All as I pray devotions to St. Theresa ‘Little Flower” of the Child Jesus. Prayers of gratitude, blessings, gifts and humility. Prayers for special intentions for all those that I truly love unconditionally, myself included.

"For this reason, I remind you to stir into the flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit of God has given us is no cowardly Spirit, but rather One That makes us strong, loving, and wise" (2Timothy 1:6-7)

CRHP

2008-08-25T10:02:00.004-04:00

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

PIETY - STUDY - ACTION

2008-07-27T16:49:00.004-04:00

You realize you do.

2008-06-01T10:13:00.001-04:00

Just when you think you have nothing...

Christ Our Hope

2008-04-13T18:06:00.004-04:00

It's my quite weekend. I do chores, read, I run errands. I take a bit of time for myself and have my hair colored & cut. I go to mass alone.

This morning as I was walking into the narthex, a senior women was standing in front of the Blessed Mother. She was finishing her devotional prayer and leaned into kiss Our Mothers out stretched hand. I watched her as I reached for the holy water. She looked at me and said, 'it's empty'. I smiled at her and said, "Well let's fill it!" I fill the holy water often. There is a dispenser right there in the foyer. She smiled at me and said I was a good person. I chuckled and said well I try ....most of the time. She laughed. She said, I'll ask your husband I'm sure he'll tell me. I put my arm on her shoulder as I opened the door for her and told her I did not have a husband. She grabbed my elbow and whispered "Then we'll pray for one." I looked that lovely women in the eye and said yes, we will pray for the man the lord has intended for me. And with that she slipped into a pew.

I smiled and prayed for her.
I prayed for our Papal visit this week.

Christ is Hope.

Here we are

2008-03-22T13:42:00.004-04:00

Well another year. Yep, 44 today. Truth be told, I'm having trouble with it. I think I get the *gulp* feeling out of the way early on the typical milestone birthdays so when they actually get here, another year doesn't bother me.

We planned on going to my parents this weekend. We have not been to PA since August 2007. I am feeling very neglectful of my family. I scheduled a few days off work to spend time with Nana & Papa. It was going to be a special morning, waking up to the smell my dad's cinnamon rolls. He was making them special for me. This is a very big deal in my big family. My mum made all of my favorites.
We would all go to mass. Two of my brothers would be there with their families. Nobody else practices or they don't live nearby. A special 'cake alert' was sent to all for Sunday evening. A summons to meet for cake, pies and birthday wishes for everyone who turns another year older in March. I asked for 'doting'. I was really looking forward to this trip.

So now you ask, why I am sitting at home in my pink slippers under my cozy quilt. My answer is simple; I'm a mom. Mama to two little Misses comes first and they are both sick.
The bad news came yesterday afternoon. That flu test came back positive as did the step test.
I'll have to get groceries now. Not knowing what to make because who knows what anyone will be able to eat. I don't really feel like eating anyway. Don't get me wrong, being a mom is absolutely the best thing in my life. My birthday morning was special. I woke up to a homemade birthday banner and coffee.
I guess it would just be nice to know I was someones special, an adult someone. A card, an intimate hug, a warm smile from someone that does not need me to blow their nose.

Sit tight, I'll be back -- a young someone special needs me to hold them and touch my cool lips on their warm forehead.

Fun in the sun in January

2008-01-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

2008-01-07T20:53:00.000-05:00

We Know We Are in Darkness

2007-12-07T06:34:00.000-05:00

We are cold and sick
and growing fat with stillness,
and our life seems like a stacked calendar
where each day we tear away
a flimsy slipp of fortune.

And already it's late fall
And earlier than expected
we are in darkness.

But who will have the courage to say -
amid the flashing and flickering
of wide-screened sensation
that has confined our living space
and fixated our gaze -
"We are in darkness"?

Yet before the hollowness of our hearts
and the wound of wasted time,
we know we are in darkness,
and together we stay,
secretly waiting,
to welcome the Light.

Rita A. Flansburg-Simmonds

Milestone

2007-09-15T14:23:00.000-04:00

Emily's 10th Birthday
A Stereo? What was I thinking?

Meghan going to get her braces off.

BEFORE
AFTER

Prayer for Choosing a State of Life

2007-09-09T22:08:00.000-04:00

From all eternity, O Lord, You planned my very existence and my destiny. You wrapped me in Your love in baptism and gave me the Faith to lead me to an eternal life of happiness with You. You have showered me with Your graces and You have been always ready with Your mercy and forgiveness when I have fallen. Now I beg You for the light I so earnestly need that I may find the way of life in which lies the best fulfillment of Your will. Whatever state this may be, give me the grace necessary to embrace it with love of Your holy will, as devotedly as Your Blessed Mother did Your will. I offer myself to You now, trusting in Your wisdom and love to direct me in working out my salvation and in helping others to know and come close to You, so that I may find my reward in union with You for ever and ever. Amen.

God loves those who need him most

2007-09-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me,when you go to pray to me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you."

Whenever I begin to question myself, my life or my future, I think of this from the book of Jeremiah. I may not know my purpose and I may not always know the answers but I always know who does.

It's her party and she'll chase bubbles if she wants to...

2007-08-27T18:49:00.000-04:00

We celebrated my Mom's 80th birthday this past weekend. We lined the driveway waiting for her and my dad to get home from mass. We blew bubbles as the Birthday Queen waved to her royal subjects. It was a great day!

The last photo with all of us together(-1) was in 2001. Everyone as aged except my parents..go figure. All those good looking grand kids!

We'll miss you.

2007-07-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

Dutchlane TimberRidge Morgan.

Being Alone A Relationship With Self

2007-07-18T10:20:00.000-04:00

The most important relationship we have in our lives is with our selves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives—from birth onward—this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship—the one with our true selves.

Words of Hope & Inspiration

2007-07-16T20:13:00.000-04:00

Love increases by means of the truth,

and truth draws near to the person by the help of love.

I love going home

2007-07-09T18:52:00.000-04:00

I spent a few days back home with my family. Hanging out with my mum & dad. Enjoying some of the things I did growing up with my girls.
The memories are the absolute best. I had an idyllic childhood. I am so blessed.

We spent the good part of a day at Pymatuning Lake. One of the big attractions is 'The Spillway' Here is a picture of what it is famous for. BIG DISGUSTING FISH. They are disgusting and mesmerizing. We bought 4 loaves of bread at Wal-Mart and fed them. It is hysterical to watch how they literally climb on each other to get to bits of bread.

My Mom & Dad are both 80 this year.